Self care. This word has become popular on social media and in progressive spaces, especially with the new presidential administration, but there’s still a lot of confusion about what it is. Literally self care about taking care of yourself, physically, emotionally, etc. A way I like to think about self care is learning how to be in a relationship with yourself. Learning yourself and what your needs are. Being honest, kind, and considerate to yourself about what you realistically can and cannot do. Our society prides constantly being on the grind and never sleeping to secure the bag, but eventually you’re gonna burn out. Non-stop work is not working smart. Meaning the kingdom you’re trying to build will be made of weak foundations if you do not learn balance. Learning to take care of your body and mind while you are working to achieve your goals will keep you going for longer and healthier. Invest in yourself. Maintain yourself. Burning out after constant grinding is not the wave and repairing yourself from that takes more energy and time than doing things on a regular basis to take care of you.
Self Care Is…?
There’s a lot of misunderstanding about what self care even is and what it can look like. I asked Twitter for some common misconceptions and I’m gonna take some time to debunk them right here.
Myth: But Ain’t Self Care Like Doing Nothing/Like a Spa Day?
There are many different ways to do self care. When most people think of self care, they think about face masks and drinking lemon water. That works for some people, but that’s not all that self care is. Self care literally depends on each individual person and what they need/want at that given moment.
Some other examples of self care: blocking/muting someone, buying your favorite snack every Tuesday, going for walks alone, going out with friends, reading your favorite fan fiction at home, setting an alarm to take your medication everyday, rock climbing, limiting how much time you spend around certain family members, being kind to yourself when you feel like a failure, etc.
Myth: But Ain’t Self Care Selfish?
Nah, it’s a part of your larger health. No one would call taking care of your physical health being selfish. It’s sad: the way this society treats mental health care. It would be weird and insensitive to call someone selfish for walking away from a stressful situation because of their high blood pressure or heart issues. Or if they cancelled hanging out because they caught the flu. Also mental health and physical health are connected. You, your mind, and body need some love to function. Taking care of yourself will affect your whole body and make you stronger. And if you’re worried about looking or feeling selfish while you also deal with all your other obligations: How can you take care of others if you’re running on fumes? Take care of yourself.
Myth: But Ain’t Self Care Like a Cure-All?
Self care isn’t magical. It isn’t a cure. You might not notice huge changes in your life after a few weeks or even a month. It’s an investment in yourself. Like brushing your teeth. It doesn’t exactly cure dental problems, but it prevents larger issues from happening if you take care of your teeth little by little every day. Slowly, over time you’ll see changes in your mood, ability to sleep, life satisfaction, etc. The impact depends on the kind of self care you decide to do.
Myth: But Ain’t Self Care Always Easy to Do and/or Always Fun?
Sometimes self care is boring and monotonous. Sometimes it’s not easy to do. But at the end of the day, self care is always good for you. Some examples of times when self care is more for the greater good and less because it’s fun to do: taking some time to sit in your feelings/self-reflect, doing homework earlier, cutting ppl off, drinking more water, getting tested for STIs every 3-6 months if you are at all sexually active with anybody, flossing your teeth, etc. Again, you do it because it is an investment in yourself and you’ll feel better in the long run.
Myth: But Ain’t Self Care Expensive?
Self care ain’t just for those with extra money to spend. Self care doesn’t have to cost money because you decide what self care looks like for you. It’s interesting that taking care of yourself is seen as something that has to cost money and has to be expensive. That says a lot about capitalism and our society that people think being able to take care of oneself is only for those with money. Self care can be going to bed on time. That’s free & priceless at the same time.
Doing For You
Y’all should know by now that I’m Team Self-Reflection. Learn yourself. Ask yourself some questions. Know yourself. Here are some questions to get you started:
- How often do you do stuff for you? Just for you?
- How much sleep are you getting? What’s the quality of your sleep?
- How is your appetite? How does what your eating make you feel?
- How are your boundaries? How easy is it to say “No” when you need to?
- What are 5 small things you could do today that would make tomorrow a little easier?
- How’s your health? Are you taking your medication regularly as prescribed? Do you have a primary doctor? How often do you go get checked? How often do you get tested for STIs?
All sexually active adults need to get tested for all bacterial & viral sexually transmitted infections every 3-6 months. 1 more time: if you are “sucking and/or fucking” someone, you need to be getting tested every 3-6 months.
- Who can you call if something popped off right now?
- What kind of support do you need? How are you getting those needs met?
- Being alone?
- Being with loved ones?
- Distracting yourself with activities, events, school, work, etc?
- Using relaxation exercises (deep breathing, meditation, etc.)?
- Using substances (marijuana, coke, coffee, cigarettes, adderall, etc.)?
I don’t judge. Substance use in and of itself isn’t a problem (it being illegal aside). If the substance use is stopping you from functioning (EG: can’t pay rent and/or severe difficulties raising children) and/or if it causes you distress then it becomes a substance use disorder. A substance use disorder is a symptom of a larger issue and how someone is coping with a deeper problem. Trying to deal with the substance use disorder without dealing with the root issue is cruel because you would be leaving the person with the original problem AND 1 less coping skill to deal with that problem. Long-lasting change happens when you address the root problem first. Generally, the person will use substances less over time until it is no longer a substance use disorder.
- Compare the risks and benefits of each coping skill and order them by the ones with most benefits to least. It would be real useful to get rid of the ones that are the least beneficial and replace them with new ones with less negative side effects.
Example: Drinking when you have diabetes. Even though alcohol is legal and even if you may be technically drinking a relatively average amount of, let’s say, beer with your friends. Your health (i.e. diabetes) means your body cannot process glucose (sugar) in your body and alcohol turns into glucose and will raise your sugar levels. Having a couple beers a night might be cool for other people’s lifestyles, but for you, it could mean serious health issues (kidney issues, loss of limbs, teeth issues, etc). So you could weigh the pros and cons and decide that the potential negative effects of alcohol on your body outweigh the social or numbing benefits of drinking.
Think about your life. Think about what you can do to show yourself some love. Think about the people and things that drain energy without giving anything back. Think about the things that bring growth into your life. Think about the things in yourself that you wish were different or about the life lessons you have a hard time learning. These are the areas where you should focus on taking care of yourself. The world is harsh enough. You don’t need to be hard on yourself too. It won’t actually make you stronger. It will eventually burn you out though. In these days and times we’re living in, burning out should be avoided. Take care of yourself now for whatever will be coming later.
Thanks for reading. Next post will be the part 2 of the corporal punishment/public shaming 2-part series on 3/25/18.