Welcome back to the somatic series!

This is the series where I am using somatic psych theory to help people learn and map out their autonomic nervous system (ANS), develop a healthier relationship with themselves, and eventually build stronger communities.

This is the 6th part of Unit 3, which explains trauma from a somatic perspective, what triggers are, the concept of biological rudeness, what glimmers are, and how to regulate your ANS out of survival mode through self-regulation and co-regulation.

Chapter 12 covered an overview of how fear and anxiety shows up in the nervous system as a way to lay the foundation for talking about trauma.

Chapter 13, discussed trauma from a somatic perspective, specifically what trauma is and some of the effects chronic trauma has on our brains, bodies, and communities.

Chapter 14, focused on triggers: What triggers generally are and how to identify your own triggers so you can continue this somatic self-learning journey.

Chapter 15, broke down biological rudeness. What it is and how to tell the difference between misunderstandings, regular relationship conflict, and danger.

Last chapter, Chapter 16, illustrated the concept of glimmers, how they compare to triggers, and how to use them to support your mental and physical health.

This chapter is going to explain the basics of self-regulation: what it is, how it relates to the concept of self-care, and the theory behind how to use it to release stress, think clearly, manage your emotions, and connect with your body/gut/intuition.

Part 2 of this post is here.

The video versions: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

The next part of your somatic work, now that you know how to ground yourself into the present and check-in with your body with the body scan, is being more intentional about how you respond to what your body is communicating to you. What’s that line? “With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility”? Yeah, that. Now that you have these basic somatic tools and concepts, you have the ability to start paying closer attention to how your autonomic nervous system (ANS) and the rest of your body responds to different things in your environment, the people in your life, and the situations you deal with throughout the week. What is your body saying? What is your body asking for? And how do you go about answering your body’s calls? These next 2 chapters are an invitation to think about and be more intentional about all the ways you cope, self-medicate, do self-care, connect with people, etc.

What is Self-Regulation?

Self-regulation describes the different ways a person learns to take notice of and influence their emotions and actions. It is the act of being in a call and response with your own body and your related feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.

You are, ideally, using your growing awareness of your autonomic nervous system 1) to notice how your body is responding to the people and things in your environment, triggers, any stimuli, etc. AND 2) to make an informed decision about the things you need to do to guide your own body out of survival mode.

Like I said in the last chapter, your autonomic nervous system (ANS) is the root of your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, so learning how to support your ANS is the fastest and most efficient way to make the long-term changes that you have been trying to make. Ideally, children learn self-regulation from watching their parents (and other adults in their lives) intentionally practice regulation and directly being taught how to handle emotions when they experience them for the 1st time.

Unfortunately, many of us are raised by parents that didn’t know (and likely weren’t even taught) how to properly regulate themselves. This can be a generational thing for many people. Multiple generations being shown and/or taught ways of coping that aren’t actually helpful in the long run. If adults are constantly dysregulated, they are less likely to model how to regulate their emotions in helpful ways and less likely to intentionally teach ways to practice effective self-regulation. And if children are constantly in survival mode, understanding and managing their own emotions and behaviors becomes harder to do because they are routinely disconnected from their own bodies and from everything around them. Learning how to become attuned to one’s own body and how to connect with one’s environment through interactive regulation is the key to activating your ventral vagus and regulating out of a stress response.

What’s the Difference Between Self-Regulation and Self-Care?

You might have gotten this far and be like, “But Pierre, this basically sounds like remixed Self Care ™. Haven’t I technically already been doing this low-key?” I’ve written about self-care before, both generally and how to practice self-care specifically during the early pandemic years in 2020 and 2021. While self-care, at its best, *is* about being in relationship with yourself, the way it is practiced and taught popularly is not quite the same as somatic work. Both self-regulation and self-care can involve doing things with the goal of reducing stress, improving your relationship with yourself, and taking care of your health/wellness.

One major difference, though, is that self regulation involves building and nurturing your awareness of your autonomic nervous system (ANS) through neuroception. Like I’ve said before, that intentional learning of the way your personal ANS works and how it communicates its needs to you is essential to figuring out what exactly you need in that moment. Otherwise, you are navigating without a compass or GPS. Which lowkey is what self-care can feel like, especially if you are anxious, angry, or overwhelmed. Searching for relief; some kind of break from your distress and suffering without a map on how to get there. Self-regulation encourages you to check in with yourself somatically and choose to do things that actually match what your body is asking you for in that moment.

That’s the difference between having a panic attack in the club when your body needed a lower stimulation environment or forcing yourself to sit still when you actually need to move and release pent up energy VERSUS 1)figuring out which parts of your autonomic nervous system are activated and 2) then knowing exactly what you need to do to get your prefrontal cortex on and ventral vagus active again. Finally, the concept of self-care has been commercialized and can focus too much on luxury, giving people the impression that caring for the self must be pricey to be effective. Self-regulation reminds us that a solid relationship with yourself and your body is not above your price point.

Moving from Dysregulation to Regulation

Working with your body to help your ANS move from being dysregulated in a stress response to regulated with the ventral vagus activated involves building up your awareness of how your body is responding to things, people, situations, etc. Aka your neuroception. Even if you don’t have the capacity or energy to do a full body scan, you can determine some basic things about your body at any given moment that can help you figure out what’s going on. You can ask yourself, “What do I feel in my body?” and depending on your answers, you can figure out what’s going on.

For example:

• “I don’t feel anything” – In a numb way or in a disconnected way? Where do you feel the numbness, detachment, etc. in your body? This is probably a dorsal vagus related sensation.
• If you feel tired or heavy or stuck, the dorsal vagus is probably involved.
• Let’s say, you feel tension, aches, or pain, the sympathetic nervous system is probably activated.
• If you are fidgeting, your heart is racing, you just wanna get up and go or get up and do something, the sympathetic nervous system is involved.
• If you are feeling a little bit of both – some stuckness, tiredness, and/or heaviness AND some tension, fidgeting, and some aches/pains you could be experiencing Fawn or Freeze.
• If your appetite or sleep has been funny, that’s another sign you need to pause and check in with your body.

See how your body’s reactions and sensations are directly connected to what your autonomic nervous system is experiencing? This is your shortcut. This is your compass. Every time you are uncertain, you can always check-in with your body – with or without a full body scan.

Regularly checking in with your body helps you build the muscle memory of that skill so overtime it becomes less and less a technique you have to practice and more like something you can just do. Over time, for most situations, you will become so attuned to your body that you will automatically feel what’s going on and understand how to respond intentionally. And in the times when you are confused or experiencing a new situation, you will know how to consult with your body/intuition to navigate your way out of the situation as safely as possible.

Once you know which part of your ANS is activated, you can start making informed decisions about what to do next.

For example, in fight or flight, you most likely will have pent-up energy in your body that needs to be released. That pent up energy is from the cortisol and adrenaline that the body released to help you get out of a sticky situation and get to safety. Some common sensations you might feel that you’ll probably want to release include: muscle tension/tightness, pain flaring, pressure, and restlessness/tingling, “butterflies” in stomach or chest. If you check the autonomic subway map, you can see that the sympathetic nervous system (aka Manhattan in my metaphor) is a next door neighbor to the ventral vagus. So you just have to release that energy before you can return back to that ventral vagal chillness.

When someone is experiencing dorsal vagal shutdown, they would probably describe emotions and experiences like overwhelm, exhaustion, sadness, hopelessness/helplessness, or dissociation. Pushing themselves too much here can make the physical sensation in their bodies more intense and their autonomic nervous system could go further into a protective, shutdown state. Common examples of shutdown related feelings: fatigue/deep tiredness, stomach upset/nausea, tightness in throat, and/or feeling stuck, frozen, heavy, or numb in 1 or more areas of the body. Remember, in this state, your body is in a low power mode so not enough energy is moving through the body to support being fully present, feeling connected to others, and regulating your own emotions. You’d need a gentle return back to a regulated nervous system. A gentle easing yourself back into awareness before you can address the anxiety, anger, discomfort, etc.

And finally, if you are in a mixed state like Freeze or Fawn, both the dorsal vagus and your sympathetic nervous system (fight/flight) are activated here. This isn’t as complicated as it sounds, especially if you know the fastest route to regulation. In these specific situations, and you want to start with the overwhelming, dorsal vagus related feelings 1st if you want to self-regulate as smoothly as possible. This might make more sense if you check out the videos here and the video here, but in those mixed states, you have 1 foot in the dorsal vagus and 1 foot in the sympathetic nervous system.

If you try to skip over the somatic sensations behind your exhaustion, sadness, hurt, loneliness, etc because those are uncomfortable or stigmatized for you, you’ll find yourself becoming even more overwhelmed or shutdown. Instead, it’s a smoother process to focus on the dorsal related feelings 1st until you don’t feel them anymore. I will definitely get into the details of how to do this in a future chapter, but you will know you are ready for the next step when you no longer feel heavy, disconnected, stuck, or tired and you start to get the tense, irritated, hot, and all the other sensations related to a pure Fight or Flight response. Once your ANS is experiencing only a sympathetic nervous system response (instead of a mixed stress response), it’s easier for you to release that pent-up energy without a surprise emotional and/or physical crash on the other side.

(This feels a bit long so I’ll continue explaining ways to practice self-regulation in Part 2 here).